I have almost finished my time in seminary. Classes are over as of yesterday. There are still two big finals and a paper that stand between me and a graduate degree. And lots and lots of saying thank you and goodbye. I have more to say about this than I know how to write right now. I've been mulling several different blog posts for weeks now, but the pace of school hasn't given me enough time to sort them out in my head. Now, today, when there is nothing on my to do list, I find myself just needing to breathe. So, I'll only post a little bit.
One of the things I have continually been grateful for at Candler is the worship life in the community. It is a gift to worship two or three times a week with your friends, classmates, and professors. It is a gift to share with them in gathering around the table and breaking bread, knowing that is what sustains you...more than any knowledge you could ever formulate in a paper or exam. Lately, I've been just trying to relish being with this community in worship. I'll probably have more to say about that later, but for now, I'll just post words to a hymn we sang recently at the Sacred Worth Sending Forth worship service:
You Are Mine
I will come to you in the silence, I will lift you from all your fear. You will hear my voice, I claim you as my choice, be still and know I am here.
I am hope for all who are hopeless, I am eyes for all who long to see. In the shadows of the night, I will be your light, come and rest in me.
I am strength for all the despairing, healing for the ones who dwell in shame. All the blind will see, the lame will all run free, and all will know my name.
I am the Word that leads all to freedom, I am the peace the world cannot give. I will call your name, embracing all your pain, stand up, now walk, and live!
Refrain: Do not be afraid I am with you. I have called you each by name. Come and follow me, I will bring you home; I love you and you are mine.
Thanks be to God for that kind of love and grace!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
growing up
so, today i was standing outside at school when my cousin walked out of one of our buildings. she works and studies at another university on the other side of town so i was obviously surprised to see her. it turns out she was teaching a class on campus this morning. it worked out that we both had an hour to spare (a delightful and rare thing for two graduate students at the end of the semester!), so we went and got a cup of coffee. we sat outside at a little table and talked.
now, our fathers are actually first cousins, so we are whatever that makes us. she's a year older than i am and we've grown up seeing each other once or twice a year and usually spending several days together at our family farm at thanksgiving. so, it's not like we actually spend all that much time together. we are very different in many ways...and a lot alike in a lot of ways that are, i suppose, more of a coincidence than anything else. but, who really knows about these things?
but, today, we sat outside for an hour or so and talked. we talked about the graduate degrees we are both just a month away from completing. we talked about the work we are each passionate about and the ways that work has recently come into reality. we each talked about the man we love. we looked back at the deep and abiding grief we have each experienced in the last few years. we talked about the amazing ways God is working in our lives and helping us grow in that pain and into abundant lives.
so, here we are. two women who somehow ended up as adults who have found our way to contentment and joy. it is a good day.
now, our fathers are actually first cousins, so we are whatever that makes us. she's a year older than i am and we've grown up seeing each other once or twice a year and usually spending several days together at our family farm at thanksgiving. so, it's not like we actually spend all that much time together. we are very different in many ways...and a lot alike in a lot of ways that are, i suppose, more of a coincidence than anything else. but, who really knows about these things?
but, today, we sat outside for an hour or so and talked. we talked about the graduate degrees we are both just a month away from completing. we talked about the work we are each passionate about and the ways that work has recently come into reality. we each talked about the man we love. we looked back at the deep and abiding grief we have each experienced in the last few years. we talked about the amazing ways God is working in our lives and helping us grow in that pain and into abundant lives.
so, here we are. two women who somehow ended up as adults who have found our way to contentment and joy. it is a good day.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
a glimpse into the mind of a rambler in the abstract
so, i just took the husband to the airport. he was in town for a short visit because he, like my friend, had commissioning interviews. he was approved!!! HOORAY!!! it feels a little weird because this doesn't really change anything for our lives. because he's working outside of our annual conference and not in a United Methodist setting, his job isn't an appointable position. basically, he's choosing to postpone an appointment in a local church to finish his commitment to the retreat center where he works. so, nothing really changes for him...or me...until spring of 2010 when we finish in Virginia and come back to Georgia. which is a little weird and anti-climactic. he's been waiting for a lot of years for the affirmation of his call to ministry that came from that committee yesterday. and it is huge. but nothing really changes.
i'm starting to realize, though, that this is more of what life will feel like now. we've kind of moved through a lot of the stage of life where every single thing is a big life determining decision that will change your life path. okay, so maybe it's not always that huge, but when you're choosing a college, or job, or place to live, or grad program, etc., it feels that big. and choosing a life partner for this adventure IS that big! we've narrowed our life path a bit by choosing each other, choosing theology school, the husband choosing ordination. it feels like we've climbed some of the big mountains and finally reached a plateau.
sure, we will both continue to grow and change. a lot. sure, the people journeying with us will grow and change...and sometimes leave...and sometimes new people will join our crowd. we will hopefully decide one of these days or years to have a child and that will dramatically change everything about our life, too. but, some things are rooted now in what they always will be.
i got to see an old friend the other night...someone i loved very much, but haven't seen in six years. it was crazy to think about where i was then, at 21, just about to graduate from college, and where i am now, about to turn 28. so much has happened, yet, when it all comes back around, i'm still me. maybe i've grown up a little and learned a couple of things, but one of the things i've learned is to love who i am...and was then...a lot more...and that i'm really not going to change all that much.
i think i've gone to rambling now. what i'm trying to say is that i spent so much of my life feeling like someday would come and things would be so very different. but, it turns out that someday is right now just as much as it is still out there and things get very different in tiny little steps...and, at the same time, stay very much the same. and, i guess that's what it is to be grown up...living those little steps, looking back, looking forward, and living the right now.
so, pondering all of this, on the way home from the airport, glad to be in Atlanta with my friends, sad to send the husband back to Virginia, and simultaneously missing our happy house and the beasts there, i stopped to get ice cream (what other logical choice was there?!?). i walked up to the window and there was me, a man in khakis and a polo with gray hair, and a man in a suit. we all stopped...no kids...by ourselves...just some grown ups, living responsible grown up lives, who want a waffle cone every now and then. i kept thinking to myself: this is it. this is life. people in our lives get old and get sick. people we love have horrible struggles in their lives and we can't save them. big, life vocation decisions are made about our futures. new babies are on the way and children grow up and get cuter every day. medical tests and surgeries loom large on our horizons. we laugh with friends and miss the folks who aren't here anymore.
but, sometimes, we stop for ice cream and sit and enjoy the sunshine on our faces. i think i could get used to this grown up thing after all.
i'm starting to realize, though, that this is more of what life will feel like now. we've kind of moved through a lot of the stage of life where every single thing is a big life determining decision that will change your life path. okay, so maybe it's not always that huge, but when you're choosing a college, or job, or place to live, or grad program, etc., it feels that big. and choosing a life partner for this adventure IS that big! we've narrowed our life path a bit by choosing each other, choosing theology school, the husband choosing ordination. it feels like we've climbed some of the big mountains and finally reached a plateau.
sure, we will both continue to grow and change. a lot. sure, the people journeying with us will grow and change...and sometimes leave...and sometimes new people will join our crowd. we will hopefully decide one of these days or years to have a child and that will dramatically change everything about our life, too. but, some things are rooted now in what they always will be.
i got to see an old friend the other night...someone i loved very much, but haven't seen in six years. it was crazy to think about where i was then, at 21, just about to graduate from college, and where i am now, about to turn 28. so much has happened, yet, when it all comes back around, i'm still me. maybe i've grown up a little and learned a couple of things, but one of the things i've learned is to love who i am...and was then...a lot more...and that i'm really not going to change all that much.
i think i've gone to rambling now. what i'm trying to say is that i spent so much of my life feeling like someday would come and things would be so very different. but, it turns out that someday is right now just as much as it is still out there and things get very different in tiny little steps...and, at the same time, stay very much the same. and, i guess that's what it is to be grown up...living those little steps, looking back, looking forward, and living the right now.
so, pondering all of this, on the way home from the airport, glad to be in Atlanta with my friends, sad to send the husband back to Virginia, and simultaneously missing our happy house and the beasts there, i stopped to get ice cream (what other logical choice was there?!?). i walked up to the window and there was me, a man in khakis and a polo with gray hair, and a man in a suit. we all stopped...no kids...by ourselves...just some grown ups, living responsible grown up lives, who want a waffle cone every now and then. i kept thinking to myself: this is it. this is life. people in our lives get old and get sick. people we love have horrible struggles in their lives and we can't save them. big, life vocation decisions are made about our futures. new babies are on the way and children grow up and get cuter every day. medical tests and surgeries loom large on our horizons. we laugh with friends and miss the folks who aren't here anymore.
but, sometimes, we stop for ice cream and sit and enjoy the sunshine on our faces. i think i could get used to this grown up thing after all.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
the women gather...
being here, in Atlanta, while the husband is in Virginia most of the time means that i am with my women friends a lot. i mean A LOT. and for that i am abundantly grateful!
one of my dearest friends was approved for commissioning yesterday*. so, we gathered to celebrate. it didn't have to be fancy, just sitting the living room in our apartment, hearing the story of the day and laughing together. it was simple and wonderful.
i was reminded yet again what a gift this group of women is in my life. if things hadn't gone so well for my friend yesterday, we would have gathered to support her. it's simple...being together...feeding each other...food for our bodies...and nourishment for our souls...listening, sharing, and walking together.
there's so much on the table right now in the lives of the women i love...huge life and vocational decision, new jobs, upcoming moves to a variety of states, graduations, relationships in their joyful and fun times and relationships in their hard and sad times, struggles and joys with families, raising children or thinking about having children, planning weddings or considering the possibility of that life commitment. so much piled on our table when we gather.
yet, it doesn't have to be much. we just sit together, eat together, walk together, and journey with each other on this crazy adventure of our lives.
and, thanks be to God for that!!!
*in our United Methodist system, that means she went through yet another set of interviews (after writing and turning in probably close to 100 pages of answers to questions about theology and ministry...and a Bible study...and videos of a sermon) and, in June, will enter the probationary status of pastor. our ordination process is a long one, but this is the next to last step before being ordained and she now functions the same as an ordained pastor in the local church.
(you can read this wise woman's blog at Ministry: That's Hot...the link is in the sidebar!)
one of my dearest friends was approved for commissioning yesterday*. so, we gathered to celebrate. it didn't have to be fancy, just sitting the living room in our apartment, hearing the story of the day and laughing together. it was simple and wonderful.
i was reminded yet again what a gift this group of women is in my life. if things hadn't gone so well for my friend yesterday, we would have gathered to support her. it's simple...being together...feeding each other...food for our bodies...and nourishment for our souls...listening, sharing, and walking together.
there's so much on the table right now in the lives of the women i love...huge life and vocational decision, new jobs, upcoming moves to a variety of states, graduations, relationships in their joyful and fun times and relationships in their hard and sad times, struggles and joys with families, raising children or thinking about having children, planning weddings or considering the possibility of that life commitment. so much piled on our table when we gather.
yet, it doesn't have to be much. we just sit together, eat together, walk together, and journey with each other on this crazy adventure of our lives.
and, thanks be to God for that!!!
*in our United Methodist system, that means she went through yet another set of interviews (after writing and turning in probably close to 100 pages of answers to questions about theology and ministry...and a Bible study...and videos of a sermon) and, in June, will enter the probationary status of pastor. our ordination process is a long one, but this is the next to last step before being ordained and she now functions the same as an ordained pastor in the local church.
(you can read this wise woman's blog at Ministry: That's Hot...the link is in the sidebar!)
Sunday, February 24, 2008
celebrating being enough
I have been thinking a lot lately about an amazing woman in my life. We have journeyed through life together for a long time now. And right now, she is celebrating five years of sobriety(five years and one month, to be more exact!). That is such a big accomplishment!
I respect her and cherish our relationship immensly. Her journey into sober life led her to a deep and authentic faith...to integrity and truth speaking that are lifegiving for those around her...and to compassion and empathy that hold hope for even the most broken of us all. She lives boldly and loves fiercly.
This woman has held me up when I could not stand on my own and has loved me through the deepest darkness I have known. She knows me as well as anyone on the planet and loves me anyway. This woman has also known betrayal and heartache, lies and seemingly hopeless relationships. I watch her learning and practicing self-care in relationships that are painful, but always seeking to see the goodness in the other person. She has changed her life, continues to work at that change, and holds out hope and grace for other people who need it. Her journey in Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me about taking responsibility for yourself and truly supporting other people as we all try to find our way in this world.
This Lent, I am keenly aware of journeying alongside this dear friend. In this season of repentance, which literally means "turning around", I find myself being challenged by the witness of her life. She openly admits her brokenness, her struggles, and that she daily teeters on the brink of falling away from what she knows to be true and best for her.
And I believe this vulnerability is a big part of being created in the image of God. I don’t think I usually know exactly what that means, but journeying with her challenges me…to see my friend, myself, and others as God sees us…all of us surrounded by God’s love. She inspires me to want to seek and offer forgiveness more often…to try to be more full of grace for others and myself…to sit with people in their pain and love them, because that’s the best thing I have to offer. I have been reminded recently, though, that these are not things I am good at, nor are they things that will come easily in my life...or maybe in anyone's life, for that matter.
Standing with this strong woman makes me want to stand up and say…Hi. My name is Anjie and I’m human. And wow am I ever broken! And I'm doing the best I can. I'll try to remember that you are, too.
And, my Lenten prayer is that, for God and the people in my life, that's enough.
(You can read this wonderful woman's blog at Like the wrench and the cracker...the link is in the sidebar!)
I respect her and cherish our relationship immensly. Her journey into sober life led her to a deep and authentic faith...to integrity and truth speaking that are lifegiving for those around her...and to compassion and empathy that hold hope for even the most broken of us all. She lives boldly and loves fiercly.
This woman has held me up when I could not stand on my own and has loved me through the deepest darkness I have known. She knows me as well as anyone on the planet and loves me anyway. This woman has also known betrayal and heartache, lies and seemingly hopeless relationships. I watch her learning and practicing self-care in relationships that are painful, but always seeking to see the goodness in the other person. She has changed her life, continues to work at that change, and holds out hope and grace for other people who need it. Her journey in Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me about taking responsibility for yourself and truly supporting other people as we all try to find our way in this world.
This Lent, I am keenly aware of journeying alongside this dear friend. In this season of repentance, which literally means "turning around", I find myself being challenged by the witness of her life. She openly admits her brokenness, her struggles, and that she daily teeters on the brink of falling away from what she knows to be true and best for her.
And I believe this vulnerability is a big part of being created in the image of God. I don’t think I usually know exactly what that means, but journeying with her challenges me…to see my friend, myself, and others as God sees us…all of us surrounded by God’s love. She inspires me to want to seek and offer forgiveness more often…to try to be more full of grace for others and myself…to sit with people in their pain and love them, because that’s the best thing I have to offer. I have been reminded recently, though, that these are not things I am good at, nor are they things that will come easily in my life...or maybe in anyone's life, for that matter.
Standing with this strong woman makes me want to stand up and say…Hi. My name is Anjie and I’m human. And wow am I ever broken! And I'm doing the best I can. I'll try to remember that you are, too.
And, my Lenten prayer is that, for God and the people in my life, that's enough.
(You can read this wonderful woman's blog at Like the wrench and the cracker...the link is in the sidebar!)
Monday, February 18, 2008
are you still out there?
Hi y'all! For the one or two of you who check this regularly, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm back in Atlanta to finish my last semester of seminary. It is altogether too busy and I'm quite sure there is no way I could finish if I hadn't had the gift of sabbath all fall. More about that later, probably, but I am feeling really good...really happy about my life in most ways...really comfortable and happy in my own skin. I think the sabbath time really helped with that.
I hope I'll be able to write more often soon, but each week gets busier than I think it will. So, we'll see. Thanks for your patience...and, if you're reading this...not giving up hope that I might someday write something remotely interesting again.
I hope I'll be able to write more often soon, but each week gets busier than I think it will. So, we'll see. Thanks for your patience...and, if you're reading this...not giving up hope that I might someday write something remotely interesting again.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
happy epiphany!
the husband just installed a new light fixture in our dining room. i am very impressed with these new skills of his! mad skills, some might say. :)
the fixture is one of those shape it however you want kinds from ikea and we decided on a spiral. spirals have significance for me and i am thrilled to have one casting light on the place where we gather to break bread with the people we love. cheers for the husband...for his gifts of making our home an even better place to live.
i just thought that was worth sharing...especially on this day of celebrating light.
the fixture is one of those shape it however you want kinds from ikea and we decided on a spiral. spirals have significance for me and i am thrilled to have one casting light on the place where we gather to break bread with the people we love. cheers for the husband...for his gifts of making our home an even better place to live.
i just thought that was worth sharing...especially on this day of celebrating light.
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