celebrating being enough

I have been thinking a lot lately about an amazing woman in my life. We have journeyed through life together for a long time now. And right now, she is celebrating five years of sobriety(five years and one month, to be more exact!). That is such a big accomplishment!

I respect her and cherish our relationship immensly. Her journey into sober life led her to a deep and authentic faith...to integrity and truth speaking that are lifegiving for those around her...and to compassion and empathy that hold hope for even the most broken of us all. She lives boldly and loves fiercly.

This woman has held me up when I could not stand on my own and has loved me through the deepest darkness I have known. She knows me as well as anyone on the planet and loves me anyway. This woman has also known betrayal and heartache, lies and seemingly hopeless relationships. I watch her learning and practicing self-care in relationships that are painful, but always seeking to see the goodness in the other person. She has changed her life, continues to work at that change, and holds out hope and grace for other people who need it. Her journey in Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me about taking responsibility for yourself and truly supporting other people as we all try to find our way in this world.

This Lent, I am keenly aware of journeying alongside this dear friend. In this season of repentance, which literally means "turning around", I find myself being challenged by the witness of her life. She openly admits her brokenness, her struggles, and that she daily teeters on the brink of falling away from what she knows to be true and best for her.

And I believe this vulnerability is a big part of being created in the image of God. I don’t think I usually know exactly what that means, but journeying with her challenges me…to see my friend, myself, and others as God sees us…all of us surrounded by God’s love. She inspires me to want to seek and offer forgiveness more often…to try to be more full of grace for others and myself…to sit with people in their pain and love them, because that’s the best thing I have to offer. I have been reminded recently, though, that these are not things I am good at, nor are they things that will come easily in my life...or maybe in anyone's life, for that matter.

Standing with this strong woman makes me want to stand up and say…Hi. My name is Anjie and I’m human. And wow am I ever broken! And I'm doing the best I can. I'll try to remember that you are, too.

And, my Lenten prayer is that, for God and the people in my life, that's enough.

(You can read this wonderful woman's blog at Like the wrench and the cracker...the link is in the sidebar!)

are you still out there?

Hi y'all! For the one or two of you who check this regularly, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm back in Atlanta to finish my last semester of seminary. It is altogether too busy and I'm quite sure there is no way I could finish if I hadn't had the gift of sabbath all fall. More about that later, probably, but I am feeling really good...really happy about my life in most ways...really comfortable and happy in my own skin. I think the sabbath time really helped with that.

I hope I'll be able to write more often soon, but each week gets busier than I think it will. So, we'll see. Thanks for your patience...and, if you're reading this...not giving up hope that I might someday write something remotely interesting again.

happy epiphany!

the husband just installed a new light fixture in our dining room. i am very impressed with these new skills of his! mad skills, some might say. :)

the fixture is one of those shape it however you want kinds from ikea and we decided on a spiral. spirals have significance for me and i am thrilled to have one casting light on the place where we gather to break bread with the people we love. cheers for the husband...for his gifts of making our home an even better place to live.

i just thought that was worth sharing...especially on this day of celebrating light.

moments of light

happy new year everyone! we celebrated new years with a couple of friends here in virginia. it was a beautiful, clear and cold night. about 1am we went out to the observatory. the husband facilitates retreat groups using the observatory all the time, but i haven't spent much time out there yet. so, in the middle of the night, the four of us went to see what we could see. it was wonderful...we saw mars, the pleiades (or seven sisters) star cluster (but there are actually more like 30 stars we could see...not just 7), a nebula, and then, saturn! it was pretty wonderful.

but, even more amazing was just looking up at the night sky. we were on a hill on a very dark and clear night and there were more stars than you could imagine! the longer you looked up, the more stars you could see. as your eyes kept adjusting, even more stars came into view...tiny ones...minuscule dots of light becoming more clear. then, what astounded me were the stars that just almost came into view beyond those. i'd start to see the faint glimmer of stars that were out there, but not really in sight...almost like you could see where they would be if you could see them. then, a shooting star would catch my eye and i'd be drawn back in to all that was so breathtaking in plain view.

i'm not sure that begins to do justice to the awe i felt in some of the first moments of this year, but i hope it is a sign...of things i've learned this past year and things to come this year. i hope i've really learned more about sitting still, letting my eyes adjust, and seeing the glory and blessings that are at my doorstep. i hope i will be able to keep praying, keep watching, and keep waiting, looking where the light is just out of view and waiting for the goodness it will bring. i hope i will be caught off guard and left breathless by the beauty of the unexpected light shooting across my path.

wrapped up in the support, abundant generosity, and love of family and friends, we have already had a good start to this year. i think it will continue to be a good one.

the comforter has come...

We went to two Christmas Eve services last night. This is the first Christmas in eight years that I haven't been working at a church and the first Christmas since we got married that we both haven't been working at a church. So, it was fairly exciting to get to choose where to worship. We went with my mom and sister to the church where I grew up for one service and then went to the church where we are members for eleven o'clock service with one of our brothers (my in-law, technically). Both were very good worship services full of good music. Both were full of comforting and familiar things and full of people that I love.

The first service, at the church where I grew up, was comforting to me in many ways. Like I said, it was the first time in a long time...and the first time since my dad died...that I'd been there for Christmas Eve. Lots of familiar faces and a place that once felt as much like home as my own house. I could feel in my core the resonance of my formation in that place. These are the people, the music and choir, the costumes (or drama ministry), the place and space...the theology...that shaped who I am.

It turned out I had a lot of questions and some skepticism about all of the details of how things are done at that church and at other churches like that. It is not the kind of church I seek out for my own worship and community life and spiritual formation. But, all of that said, it was good, good, good to be there last night. And it was very good to be there with my sister who, for very different reasons, understands what I'm feeling.

Then, we went to the church where we are currently members, where jeans are a welcome and accepted part of the life of the community, where organ, piano, and guitar were all parts of the service, where everyone greets with a hug, and where the altar was laid for a feast. It was casual and a very chill time together. There was communion and prayer at the altar. There was lots of hugging afterwards and laughter. It was life-giving.

The wise preacher, an amazing young woman, preached about change. How, at this season when we want traditions and familiarity and things to be like every Christmas that we have loved and held dear for years, what we are actually celebrating is the most profound change. Not a change that happens or happened in a moment, but the transformative change that God brings when entering life with us always.

It was a good message for this girl to hear this Christmas. It turns out a lot has changed since the days I sang in the choir with my mom and sister on Christmas Eve. Our family has changed, our homes have changed, our whole lives have changed...my theology and understanding and ways of seeking God in life have changed. And it is all good.

What was...was very, very good. What is...is very, very good. What will be...well, I trust that this same God who has led us this far will continue to burst into our world with wonderful things.

May the light...God with us...shine in your life, too.

Peace and Merry Christmas!

love it?...like it?...or not.

we went to cold stone last night. to get ice cream. one might wonder why ice cream sounded like a good idea when it was 25 degrees outside, but i was consoled that we weren't the only crazy fools in there!

however, the sales clerk/ice cream scooper guy...wow. that's all i can say. first, as we are pondering the infinite choices available in our ice cream creations, he asks if we have any allergies. still looking at the flavor and topping choices, we say no, no allergies. suddenly, tiny spoons with unidentified flavors are shoved in our faces. the husband gets dark chocolate peppermint (which, yes, we were both eyeing, but had not asked for) and i got some kind of coconut sorbet thing...which i did NOT ask for or really enjoy. however, it seemed rude to just drop the little spoon into the used spoon bucket with ice cream still on it. then, injecting himself too much into our conversation, he shoved the dark chocolate peppermint at me, too. granted, i was going to ask for it...but i was going to ask for it anyway. and, being the eco-guilt ridden person that i am, i didn't want to waste one little plastic spoon in the first place...much less a second when i already knew what i wanted. and, i didn't ask for his help. blech.

so, the husband and i made our orders and when i ordered the chocolate the oh-so-helpful ice cream guy said he liked the "white one" better. i went into kind of evasive, minimal small talk until we could get the heck out of that store! i deflected every suggestion he made, but he kept trying to engage. he said something like "i think your order could be even better if you added peanut butter." i said something like "um, don't you dare, crazy ice cream man." well, it was something more like "hmm. that sounds interesting. but, i think i'll stick to chocolate today." then, he got this crazy gleam in his eyes and mumbled "oh, but i like to dream up new creations and let you try them." then, he handed me my ice cream...with yet ANOTHER mini-spoon with peanut butter on it stuck in the top!!!

it still felt rude to throw the little spoon away with the peanut butter on it...but, i did consider throwing it AT him! i mean, i didn't. but, i was ticked about the assault on my ice cream. though, it seems like this guy loves his job. the husband said he wants people to love their jobs...just not that much. maybe this is just what i get for wanting ice cream when it's 25 degrees outside.

living in excited and hopeful expectation!

it's been a good advent for us this year. not having full time school to provide the chaos of finals has allowed us to do all the things we want to do and really enjoy the season. our little united methodist church here has done advent up right. the husband has been happy because we've sung "People Look East" at the close of every service, which is a wonderful advent hymn and one of his all time favorite hymns ever!

last night we went with friends and co-workers to a walk through christmas lights display at a park. it was fun and the united way had sponsored a section with lasers and led lights that were set to music...fun for all, i tell you! the only weird part, for us, was that it was 25 degrees outside...and then a little windy on top of that.

another night recently we went with some friends to a drive through nativity put on by a nazarene church. it was well done with live animals and angels in earmuffs and everything. i commend those folks, though, because it was really cold that night, too...and we were having more wind gusts up to 50 miles an hour! we were a little worried the little angels standing on a platform above the shepherds might just fly away!

also, i've been telling folks who can't get up to visit that i'll post some pictures of christmas decorations. so, here are a few.

some of the red balls on our tree are actually tomatoes. i love them and i like having them on our tree because, if you've ever met the husband, you'll know he's a fresh tomato fiend! he plants at least three or four kinds each year.

these are part of the nativity my maternal grandmother painted. she gave me her nativity before she died, so i cherish it. we actually have 6 nativities up, i think. in one of them, the baby jesus has toes that show...i love it.

did i mention that there were 3 camels...live camels...at the nativity the other night? one of them was white, just like this one, actually. very cool animals!

these lights came from my grandma's attic when she moved earlier this year. they are from the days when my grandfather brought home lots of fun christmas decorations. (he died in '74, so they date from before then.) they're obviously not usable as actual lights anymore, but i tied them with ribbon and they are fun in our kitchen.

these, like the lights, are from my grandma's attic. i guess i'm just happy to be able to use and enjoy things that used to decorate my grandparents' and dad's house. (and the bowl they are in was handmade by a friend of the husband's family from oxford, ga.)

also, for those of you who remember the spinning wheel from my folks' house, we've got it now, and it's full of christmas cards. that's fun, too.

anyway, thanks for reading through that kind of random tour of our house.

um...also...a herd (is that what you'd call it? no, a flock, right?) of wild turkeys just wandered through the woods behind our house. seriously. like 30 of them. weird. they looked more like a herd of something.

so, um, now i'm totally thrown off and forgot however i was going to end this. so, enjoy the rest of advent! maybe i'll post something less self-indulgent later. but, thanks for looking at our christmas decorations that we love.